she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
