idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
