i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
