She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We left the knife in your bed.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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