Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i think i just lost a toe
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