Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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