he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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