Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I need a beard to bite.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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