Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
