Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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