I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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