I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
