She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
