she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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