I want to walk on stilts...naked
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I AM VODKA MAN
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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