Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
