i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
