Im at strip club and am horny
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
