it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
