I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
