The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
PANTIES FOUND
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
