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IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
