If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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