You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
