I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How naked do you want me to be?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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