Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
