You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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