its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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