I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
