So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
