I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
pop tarts are not kleenex
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
