Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
