Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
