What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The best revenge is premature balding
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
