I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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