Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
