apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
