There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
