i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
