Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
