my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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