we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize