I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
