he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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