okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You ruined the universe
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize