I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
