Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
