Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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