Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
