**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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