you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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