worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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