Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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