corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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