he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize