When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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