I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
