I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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