i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I can text with my tongue
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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