her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
