i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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