i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize