they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
