sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
