did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
