Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
