Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
