you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
