margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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