I must be too annoying 4 u.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
