did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
