When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm drive I can fine osifer
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
