Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize