I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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