I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
