so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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