i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
