im drinking this country out of the recession.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
