Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Success! We fucked roommates!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
