Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
