I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
