how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
