Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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