I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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