i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
