so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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