fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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