So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
