Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
