We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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