Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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