I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
