I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
