You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
