You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
