I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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