I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
