She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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