I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You're breaking my sexual little heart
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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