I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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