i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
