Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Say something about gay babies.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
