I just pynch a tree in the face
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
