First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
