Do you still have your period?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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