Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
