You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
