I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
