i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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