Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
