I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
