yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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