I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
