Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
