You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
