Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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