I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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