Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
