me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
