You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
