i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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