So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
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